02 January 2009

A Place to Land

Winter break has been amazing. I have spent a lot of time having fun with dear friends, some time remembering what once was, briefly longing for school to be over and to settle down, I even worked a little. During my time off from school I moved a few times and thought about moving several more times than I actually did. Even though I had a place to sleep I kept looking for other places, people would offer their floor but I ended up decline most of the offers. I realized this bizarre behavior and wondered why. Then it struck me, I was looking for a place to land. I had come home from school and would be somewhere for almost a month. I didn't really care where that somewhere was as long as I could land there.

A place to land is different than a place to stay. When I am staying somewhere I am visiting. I am sleeping under someone's roof, I am eating someone's food, I am invading someone's space. I am okay with this for a short while, but after a week I start longing to settle a little more. By looking for a place to land I am meaning I am looking for a place to call my own, even if it is just for a few weeks. I am looking for a place that I can come and go without feeling bad for coming back late at night or leaving early in the morning. I am looking for a place where I can spread out and not think that I am displacing the rightful heir. I am looking for a place that is quiet when I want to meditate and bursting with song when I want to work. I am looking for a place that I can invite my friends over and not feel that I am taking my host's time and space. I am looking for a place to call my own.

As my time in Oregon winds down I have started to realize that that place, my place to land, is back at school. That is where I belong now. That is where I need to be. That is where I feel most at home, for now at least. I guess it is a good thing, I long to settle but needing to go back to school helps me want to return.

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