10 September 2006

Sudden Silence

I wake up and look at the clock. I jump out of bed; it is 5:20am on a Saturday morning. I was supposed to be up 2 hours ago. “Better wake up the Kyle kid” I thought. But he wasn’t asleep in the spare room. I wandered the house to check all the rooms. His suitcase were gone and he with them. All that remained was a simple note that read “Thanks for everything”. My heart sank and I knew he was gone, as he was supposed to be. Kyle, my brother, had come home somewhat unexpected for 2 months and needed a place to stay for a week. I was reluctant to have him stay, but I accepted and made room for him. For the past week we had had fun times, not so fun times, and bored times, but life, mine in particular, was happy. I had more fun than I expected, and I got to know my brother a little better. I had forgotten how different things are when someone else is around; when someone else is at home after working hours. There were reasons to do fun things and reasons to stay home. (Fluff loved the fact that someone could pet him.) And now in a moment it was all over. I have to admit, I knew this moment would come, I just didn’t know that I would sleep through it. I didn’t know I would feel so bad. My house was empty, I was alone. Fluff now realized that I was up so he wanted out. After I let him out I used the lonely moments to think and breathe while I watched for the rising sun. The loneliness, which used to seem so normal, now seemed so selfish. My life was now a little less complete now that it is focused on me. How odd life is when suddenly it is all about me. But this is the way it is.